Loans, Books and other med school oddities

So I finally got my loans approved today. I am now $48,000 in the hole!! After I pay all the school fees, I get 11,000 to live off. That should cover my credit card bills, car insurance and living money. It felt so weird accepting a loan for that much money, knowing I will be doing the exact same thing for 3 more years!!

I also opened some of my text books today. My favorite part of every semester in undergrad was getting my books. So it is no surprise that I have really enjoyed getting my books for med school too. I have already read a few of the entries in our big diagnostic text book. I am soooooo excited to start learning and seeing patients.

The weirdest question I have been getting from people lately is "Are you excited to start school." This may not sound very odd to you, but I never quite know how to answer this question. I am so excited that I have to stop myself from thinking about it because then I become obsessed and impatient to start. This is the one thing that I have been preparing for basically my whole life and it is finally almost here!! But with all my excitement also comes a lot of anxiety. What if I can't remember anything and don't know how to study after being out of school for 2 years? What if all the other students are better than me? What if I don't make any friends? What if my recent health problems prevent me from doing well? These are all questions that keep circulating through my mind. So, if you happen to ask me if I am excited to start school and I pause before answering or don't seem quite sincere, it is just because I really don't know if I am excited or scared out of my mind!!